LJ Idol Week 21, Prompt: Black Swan Event
Oct. 25th, 2022 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mollywheezyBeing an only child, my formative years were very different from Arthur’s, who is the second of four. He has an older brother, Percy, who is three years older, and two younger sisters, Mary and Liz, who are five and seven years younger respectively. Going home with Arthur to meet his family was a culture shock at first, but I had always wanted siblings and now I finally had some. Mary and Liz and I did each other’s hair, and I hemmed Liz’s bridesmaid dress for Percy’s wedding while my mother-in-law hemmed Mary’s. I had poor Liz standing there so long, I would have killed me by then, but she very kindly didn’t complain. I helped Mary with her valedictorian speech as the rest of the family said they were going to hear it and wanted it to be new. As a writer, I understand the benefit of a proofreader! I was welcomed into the chaos of Arthur’s family and embraced as a new member, as have Kay, Liz’s husband Charlie and Mary’s husband Don. There were growing pains initially, but we have all become close and have fun together. Becoming family means sharing the fun but also the pain. In the last four years, Charley, Kay, Don, and I have all been shocked by unexpectedly losing a parent.
In 2018, we took a family cruise to celebrate Mom and Dad’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. Including the children there were eighteen of us.
One evening about halfway through the cruise, Mom,Dad, Charlie, Liz, Arthur, Mary, Don, and I were in one of the bars on the ship having drinks and laughing and having a great time together. Charlie and Don went to the bar to get drink refills and as they were coming back, I saw Don answer his phone (he was the only one who paid the exorbitant price to have cell service). He handed the phone to Charlie. Charlie was on the phone when he came back and handed Liz her drink. He sat down, listened to the phone for a minute, and started sobbing. I had never seen Charlie cry, and we've known him since he was a teenager. All of us were shocked. I put a hand on Charlie’s arm since I was sitting next to him. He choked out, "My mom passed away," stood up and left. Liz burst into tears and followed him. Mom, Mary, and I started crying in sympathy. We all knew Charlie’s mom Jerri, too. Her death was completely unexpected, and when we learned what happened, could have been prevented.
Jerri and Charlie (Charlie’s parents) called their daughter Tasia and told her they got lost driving to a doctor's appointment. She told them to wait and she would come pick them up. When she arrived at where they had been, they had left. Despite repeated attempts to call them, they didn't answer. Tasia went to the police, who, even when told that both Jerri and Charlie had a touch of dementia, said they couldn't do anything for twenty-four hours. Tasia called her twin brother Terry who left work and began helping her look for them. They enlisted their spouses and several friends in the search, too. They called the doctor to alert them, but were told that Jerri and Charlie never arrived. When her parents had been missing for the required twenty-four hours, Tasia returned to the police who pinged their cell phone’s location. When she arrived in the Walgreens parking lot, Tasia found Jerri dead, and Charlie in the backseat, sobbing and asking why Jerri wouldn't talk to him. He did not realize Jerri had died and wondered why she was giving him the silent treatment (which she wouldn't do). He continued apologizing for getting them lost. Charlie had to be hospitalized for dehydration and after living at Charlie and Liz’s home for a few weeks went into a memory care assisted living facility. Charlie and Liz decided not to leave the cruise (which would have been financially prohibitive anyway) and not to tell any of the children until afterwards, because they didn't want to ruin "cousin time." This plan worked better than I expected and we were able to put our grief aside and enjoy the rest of our time together. I really wanted to Gibbs-slap the police. It took two minutes to ping their phone. Literally. And Tasia went to get them, not the police. When she had to call 911 to report finding her mom dead, finally the police got involved. The only reason Tasia had a way to reach Charlie at all was because when Charlie and family were in line with Don and family to board the cruise, Tasia called to say some distant cousin Charlie had never met had died and asked for a number to reach him. Charlie was about to tell her he couldn't be reached when Don offered his number. Charlie’s mom was one of the youngest out of all of our parents, making her death even more surprising.
In 2020, during the height of the pandemic, Kay’s father fell and badly broke his wrist. He had to go to the hospital and needed surgery to repair his wrist. He caught Covid while in the hospital and died in a few days. I only met Kay’s father at her and Percy’s wedding. Percy is Arthur’s older brother and we are the least close to him and his wife. Of course, I was extremely sad for Kay losing her dad and for half of my nieces and nephews losing one of their grandpas. While not as harrowing as the situation surrounding Charlie’s mom’s death, the death of Kay’s dad was very sad and all of the family grieved his loss.
I have previously shared some of the story of my dad’s death but now will share more. On December 7, 2021, my parents and I were with our pastor Christine who had come to their apartment to visit. We had a wonderful time, talking and laughing. We filled Christine in on all of our plans for my dad’s recovery after the new year. I had lined up a massage therapist to come to the apartment and was looking into acupuncture. I had tried to reserve a wheelchair accessible van to get my dad to church for Christmas, but all of them within a two hour radius were booked. I wanted to surprise my dad, so I booked early for Holy Week and Easter. He really missed going to church and so badly wanted to go back. He told Christine that the first day he was able to get to church he planned to join, and he had his suit ready. I found out later my dad told my mom after Christine and I left that he was not ready to leave her and was going to work really hard and do whatever it took to get well. My dad hadn’t been able to walk after breaking his hip. Our home health agency had been working with him on transfers. If he could move from the wheelchair to the car seat and back again, we could take him places. He was making progress but then was hospitalized for aspiration pneumonia. Due to Covid, the hospital wasn’t allowing visitors, so my mom and I weren’t there to advocate for my dad. He developed bed sores and his legs were contracted so he couldn’t even shift himself within his bed or his chair. We ran out of home health visits which is why I was looking into alternate forms of treatment like acupuncture. I had asked four different doctors at recent appointments if it was time to consider hospice, and every doctor said they expected my dad to get better. It was just taking longer than they had thought it would. When my dad stopped breathing on the morning of December 8, my mom and I were stunned. Paramedics intubated him, but he was declared brain dead, a few hours later. I had to make the decision to turn off life support. I called Arthur at work and made him cry in a meeting with his boss when I asked if he wanted to be there. He said he would come if I needed him, but he didn’t need to be there for himself. My friends Christine and Charles were there with my mom and me and stayed with us most of the time until my dad died. I’m thankful we had one last fun and hopeful afternoon together. I have always been a “Daddy’s Girl” and will always miss my dad.
My brother-in-law Don was the last of the Wheezy sibling spouses to have both parents until last week. On October 20, 2022, Don received a phone call to fly to see his parents because his dad Tim was not expected to live through the day. We have a family group on Facebook Messenger and update each other regularly. Tim had been in the hospital for two weeks. He went to the ER when he was having trouble breathing, and it was found he was bleeding into his lungs. He was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and put on massive chemotherapy treatments. The doctors said they expected him to recover and told Don’s family he was getting better, until the day they called him to fly in immediately. Thankfully Don and his siblings did make it to the hospital to be with their dad before Tim died.
I knew Tim and know his wife Kay the best of my siblings-in-law’s parents because they have a lake house two hours from us and have invited us regularly when Don and Mary and their children would be there. We even spent Christmas with them once. We have been thankful for Don from the first time we heard of him because prior to Don, Mary had very bad luck with men, dating toxic people and one of whom was emotionally abusive. She met Don speed dating. Her best friend dragged her, and as the only single person who worked for the sponsoring radio station, Don was forced to go. He said he would never have spoken to Mary because she was too far out of his league, and Mary said she would not have given Don the time of day. Don is, in his words, “goofy looking.” It turns out they were perfect for each other! I had the privilege of officiating their wedding. While I have never been more nervous performing a wedding (If I had messed up, I never would have heard the end of it) it gave them and their family a special place in my heart. I will miss Tim, and my heart breaks for Kay, who is the youngest of all the parents. In August, Mary and Don invited Arthur, my mom, and me to come for Thanksgiving. I was moved they included my mom without my needing to ask. It will be the first Thanksgiving without my dad, so I was glad to have something different to do. Now it will be the first Thanksgiving without his dad for Don, too.
In 2018, we took a family cruise to celebrate Mom and Dad’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. Including the children there were eighteen of us.
One evening about halfway through the cruise, Mom,Dad, Charlie, Liz, Arthur, Mary, Don, and I were in one of the bars on the ship having drinks and laughing and having a great time together. Charlie and Don went to the bar to get drink refills and as they were coming back, I saw Don answer his phone (he was the only one who paid the exorbitant price to have cell service). He handed the phone to Charlie. Charlie was on the phone when he came back and handed Liz her drink. He sat down, listened to the phone for a minute, and started sobbing. I had never seen Charlie cry, and we've known him since he was a teenager. All of us were shocked. I put a hand on Charlie’s arm since I was sitting next to him. He choked out, "My mom passed away," stood up and left. Liz burst into tears and followed him. Mom, Mary, and I started crying in sympathy. We all knew Charlie’s mom Jerri, too. Her death was completely unexpected, and when we learned what happened, could have been prevented.
Jerri and Charlie (Charlie’s parents) called their daughter Tasia and told her they got lost driving to a doctor's appointment. She told them to wait and she would come pick them up. When she arrived at where they had been, they had left. Despite repeated attempts to call them, they didn't answer. Tasia went to the police, who, even when told that both Jerri and Charlie had a touch of dementia, said they couldn't do anything for twenty-four hours. Tasia called her twin brother Terry who left work and began helping her look for them. They enlisted their spouses and several friends in the search, too. They called the doctor to alert them, but were told that Jerri and Charlie never arrived. When her parents had been missing for the required twenty-four hours, Tasia returned to the police who pinged their cell phone’s location. When she arrived in the Walgreens parking lot, Tasia found Jerri dead, and Charlie in the backseat, sobbing and asking why Jerri wouldn't talk to him. He did not realize Jerri had died and wondered why she was giving him the silent treatment (which she wouldn't do). He continued apologizing for getting them lost. Charlie had to be hospitalized for dehydration and after living at Charlie and Liz’s home for a few weeks went into a memory care assisted living facility. Charlie and Liz decided not to leave the cruise (which would have been financially prohibitive anyway) and not to tell any of the children until afterwards, because they didn't want to ruin "cousin time." This plan worked better than I expected and we were able to put our grief aside and enjoy the rest of our time together. I really wanted to Gibbs-slap the police. It took two minutes to ping their phone. Literally. And Tasia went to get them, not the police. When she had to call 911 to report finding her mom dead, finally the police got involved. The only reason Tasia had a way to reach Charlie at all was because when Charlie and family were in line with Don and family to board the cruise, Tasia called to say some distant cousin Charlie had never met had died and asked for a number to reach him. Charlie was about to tell her he couldn't be reached when Don offered his number. Charlie’s mom was one of the youngest out of all of our parents, making her death even more surprising.
In 2020, during the height of the pandemic, Kay’s father fell and badly broke his wrist. He had to go to the hospital and needed surgery to repair his wrist. He caught Covid while in the hospital and died in a few days. I only met Kay’s father at her and Percy’s wedding. Percy is Arthur’s older brother and we are the least close to him and his wife. Of course, I was extremely sad for Kay losing her dad and for half of my nieces and nephews losing one of their grandpas. While not as harrowing as the situation surrounding Charlie’s mom’s death, the death of Kay’s dad was very sad and all of the family grieved his loss.
I have previously shared some of the story of my dad’s death but now will share more. On December 7, 2021, my parents and I were with our pastor Christine who had come to their apartment to visit. We had a wonderful time, talking and laughing. We filled Christine in on all of our plans for my dad’s recovery after the new year. I had lined up a massage therapist to come to the apartment and was looking into acupuncture. I had tried to reserve a wheelchair accessible van to get my dad to church for Christmas, but all of them within a two hour radius were booked. I wanted to surprise my dad, so I booked early for Holy Week and Easter. He really missed going to church and so badly wanted to go back. He told Christine that the first day he was able to get to church he planned to join, and he had his suit ready. I found out later my dad told my mom after Christine and I left that he was not ready to leave her and was going to work really hard and do whatever it took to get well. My dad hadn’t been able to walk after breaking his hip. Our home health agency had been working with him on transfers. If he could move from the wheelchair to the car seat and back again, we could take him places. He was making progress but then was hospitalized for aspiration pneumonia. Due to Covid, the hospital wasn’t allowing visitors, so my mom and I weren’t there to advocate for my dad. He developed bed sores and his legs were contracted so he couldn’t even shift himself within his bed or his chair. We ran out of home health visits which is why I was looking into alternate forms of treatment like acupuncture. I had asked four different doctors at recent appointments if it was time to consider hospice, and every doctor said they expected my dad to get better. It was just taking longer than they had thought it would. When my dad stopped breathing on the morning of December 8, my mom and I were stunned. Paramedics intubated him, but he was declared brain dead, a few hours later. I had to make the decision to turn off life support. I called Arthur at work and made him cry in a meeting with his boss when I asked if he wanted to be there. He said he would come if I needed him, but he didn’t need to be there for himself. My friends Christine and Charles were there with my mom and me and stayed with us most of the time until my dad died. I’m thankful we had one last fun and hopeful afternoon together. I have always been a “Daddy’s Girl” and will always miss my dad.
My brother-in-law Don was the last of the Wheezy sibling spouses to have both parents until last week. On October 20, 2022, Don received a phone call to fly to see his parents because his dad Tim was not expected to live through the day. We have a family group on Facebook Messenger and update each other regularly. Tim had been in the hospital for two weeks. He went to the ER when he was having trouble breathing, and it was found he was bleeding into his lungs. He was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and put on massive chemotherapy treatments. The doctors said they expected him to recover and told Don’s family he was getting better, until the day they called him to fly in immediately. Thankfully Don and his siblings did make it to the hospital to be with their dad before Tim died.
I knew Tim and know his wife Kay the best of my siblings-in-law’s parents because they have a lake house two hours from us and have invited us regularly when Don and Mary and their children would be there. We even spent Christmas with them once. We have been thankful for Don from the first time we heard of him because prior to Don, Mary had very bad luck with men, dating toxic people and one of whom was emotionally abusive. She met Don speed dating. Her best friend dragged her, and as the only single person who worked for the sponsoring radio station, Don was forced to go. He said he would never have spoken to Mary because she was too far out of his league, and Mary said she would not have given Don the time of day. Don is, in his words, “goofy looking.” It turns out they were perfect for each other! I had the privilege of officiating their wedding. While I have never been more nervous performing a wedding (If I had messed up, I never would have heard the end of it) it gave them and their family a special place in my heart. I will miss Tim, and my heart breaks for Kay, who is the youngest of all the parents. In August, Mary and Don invited Arthur, my mom, and me to come for Thanksgiving. I was moved they included my mom without my needing to ask. It will be the first Thanksgiving without my dad, so I was glad to have something different to do. Now it will be the first Thanksgiving without his dad for Don, too.
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Date: 2022-10-25 10:56 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing so much of your extended family's grief. I hope your first Thanksgiving without your dad goes as well as it can. Sounds like it'll be at least a little sad with two people who'll be missing from it.
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Date: 2022-10-27 01:31 am (UTC)- Erulisse (one L)
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Date: 2022-10-28 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 09:57 pm (UTC)I hope you will be able to enjoy the holidays this year, even though I know they will be very different indeed <3333